Big Head

Even though I had no recollection of the night's sex with Jew Boy, I must have done something memorable because I could barely move my body two days afterward. I send him the following email sharing my pain.

"What the fuck did you do to me.....I am so sore today I can barely walk! But regardless, I had a great time. Thanks for coming out."

Jew Boy's response:
"Ha ha.......you are very funny! I had a great time too."

My response:
"I was not trying to be funny at all......totally serious."

Missing Memory

Shelly's birthday was rapidly approaching, but I can't be totally sure if I was as excited about her party as I was about the fact that Jew Boy would be near. I had spend exceptional time with The Big X lately, so I was unsure I wanted to taint those memories by seeing Jew Boy.

Typical protocol with Jew Boy was to text him late. But this night, I was so excited about the events, I called him before I even made it into the bar. I fully expected to get his voicemail, so it was strange when he answered.

Jew Boy: Hello?
Me: What are you doing?
Jew Boy: I am at a sports bar downtown with Cory. Are you in town?
Me: Oh course! It is Shelly's birthday so there is much to celebrate. You should come on over here.
Jew Boy: I don't know what we are doing for the rest of the night. We will for sure meet up before the end of the night.

All I needed to hear.

Any outsider would have thought it was my birthday watching the number of shots I consumed. It is safe to say that I was drunker than Shelly on her birthday. I was so out of my mind, I do not remember having sex with Jew Boy. BUT, judging from past experiences, I can bet he was good.

Fortunately, I had my memory back by morning.....

Do You Want Fries With That?

I spent a great night out with The Big X and friends. He made me included, in tune with him. I don't know if it was his all night affection that had forced an overwhelming urge to have dirty sex with him, but I was wanting him badly.

After a long night of drinking, we stopped to get the greasiest fast food we could find at the late hour. With a line long enough to drink another twelve pack, my body decided it could wait no longer to feel The Big X. My touches started innocently enough, but quickly moved to oral sex. Please tell me again why The Big X gave me up?

By the time we finally got our food, calories were the last thing on both of our minds. We barely made it back to my driveway before we was inside me. Car sex, wow it had been a long time.

Gap

The weirdest night out, the weirdest date ever. I had been talking to a new guy online for about a month, when we decided on an prompt to meeting, as I already had plans for the night. Gap agreed to meet and hang out with me and my friend.

Well into a few beers at Emily's, she wanted to see the photos of who I was meeting. How is it that all of my friends that are in a relationship think my dating life is a fun game? After viewing his photo, we discovered that the grainy guy in the photo had a huge gap between his teeth. Huge. Deal breaker.

Since it would be overly vain not to meet him after this discovery, Emily and I headed out the door with little hope. Once at the bar, I texted Gap because the crowd was so large we couldn't find his table. After the response, we scoured the place, still with no luck. During our searches, I thought I saw a guy that look like him, but he was sitting with five girls. As we walked by I smiled in his direction, but he looked the other way. I thought that maybe it was Gap and he had changed his mind about meeting me. Fine, there were plenty more where that came from!

Emily and I were actually talking with a few other guys we met, then Gap annoyingly texted me. I told him I had made the rounds, but couldn't find him, so I would keep my place at the pool table if he wanted to meet me. He knew my whereabouts, so I continued to drink and have a good time with my new found friends. It was about an hour later when The Gap finally grew the balls to come over.

He was good looking at first glance. THEN he smiled. Oh yes, there was a gap. Large enough to drive a car through.

Next. And quick.

Happy Fucking New Year

Does bringing in the new year with a terrible night any indication of how the entire year will be? I have always hated New Year's Eve due to the hype it carries. This year was even worse than others.

A serious talk with The Big X was the way the night started. I wanted to address the status of our relationship before moving into a new year. I was nervous of his responses to my questions, but it had to be done. He was agreeable and open to suggestions I brought forth. It ended with me asking if he thought we could make things work. He looked at me and said I hope so. This was not a the terrible start to a new year, but it was actually the only peak of good all night.

For the night out, we had decided on a newly opened, high design venue. With this came an over scaled, sweaty crowd, in which, The Big X and I were the minority. It was almost impossible to get a drink and waiting in the bathroom line posed even more of a treat.

We had been in attendance of this acute location about three hours when I was returning back to The Big X from my second bathroom trip. As I walked out and past the dance floor, I witness a overly drunk, guy leaning against the wall. I assumed that his intake levels were at an all time high and he needed the wall in order to prop himself up. I was approximately three-quarters of the way past him when I am stunned by a noise so foul I can still hear it. Blahhhhhhhhhhh. I turned just in time to see this insanely drunk individual puck all down the side of my newly purchased outfit. Wrong place at the exact wrong time? Bad karma?

I was stunned and sickened. The Big X helped me clean up, had the intoxicated maniac kick out, got the manager to give me clothes and all the alcohol we could drink for the rest of the night. This incident should have forced us home, but when free whiskey is offered to an alcoholic, it is always taken. N0 matter the circumstances!

The worst part of the entire night was that Jew Boy texted and offered to help me bring in the New Year his style. I was stuck at a bar downtown with The Big X, puck residue on my body and drunk as shit! Happy Fucking New Year.

Not Quitting

The bad part about seeing Jew Boy are the constant thoughts of him that plague me for days after we have sex. I replay it in my mind, wanting it to happen all over again. It is an obsession. I don't love him or even like him most of the time, but we have this unbelievable sexual chemistry. It is a bad drug habit and I don't know how to quit. I don't want to quit. Ever.

More and More

The night started with beer, music and dirty texting. Great start to a great night. Over text, I convinced Jew Boy to come and meet me out. It was a friendly night for us, since I had not seen or really communicated with him as of late. We hugged and kissed when he arrived. He then made a sexual comment about my lips. Oh, how he likes them!

After the concert, we headed back to his house. We spend time talking. Too much in my opinion. While he was in mid-sentence, I grabbed him and starting kissing him, hard. He adjusted, then responded well. He took me by the hand and lead me to his bed. He stripped off my clothing one article at a time, then commented on how sexy I was. We had amazing sex. Perfect as usual.

Afterward, I admitted that I came over just so I could kiss him, saying, "I love to kiss you." He responded, "That is a really nice thing to say to me. I love kissing you as well." My comment made him give me more, which turned into sex, again. We finally passed out at 4:30. I slept with a smile on my face and dreamed about him.

Fair Enough

The Big X called to inform me what we had old friends coming to town for a night out. Our Rock Star Friends. We selected what we thought would be an inconspicuous location for the night. As soon as we arrived, Front Man was spotted. His wife managed to fend off all the attackers and we made our way to a private table in the corner.

Great times are always present with Front Man and his wife. This night was no exception. By the end of the night, The Big X was really into Front Man, as they have been friends forever. This allowed me to speak with Front Man's wife and she admitted that The Big X told her we were working things out. Really? He neglected to tell me.

In a taxi on the way home, I turned to The Big X and said, "Do you want to know what Front Man's wife told me tonight?" He did. I rapidly moved on, "She said that we were meant to be together." He laughed and laughed. I said, "Fuck you, why is that so funny?" He responded, "It's not at all, I am just laughing because that is what Front Man said to me as well. This is a conversation that we need to have, but we are both too drunk for it right now."

Fair Enough. Always an excuse.

Maybe Now

After a few insensible weeks at work, I called in sick to take a much needed day off. For me, a concert is the best way to relax. Beer and loud music, heaven. When I arrived to pick up The Big X, he didn't give me the greeting I wanted, but he looked so hot I quickly forgot. Once in the element, the affection coming from him was at an all time high.

There had been recent talks about his non-romantic state of being. I came in from outside, all of the lights were out and The Big X had lit every candle in the place. His efforts did not go unnoticed.

As we sat together in a chair that was only for one, I shared my fears with him. I gently asked him, "Out of all the girls you dated while we were apart, were there any that gave you something that I do not?" He said, "No way." I then asked, "Did any of those girls provide you with something that I can't? Because if they did or do, I am willing to walk away now, just because I want you to be totally happy." The Big X looked me in the eye and said, "No there is nothing."

Maybe now, we can move forward.

The Good Stuff

I worked hard, but left early to meet Shelly and a few college friends who were in town for the weekend. I stopped by The Big X's house, but he refused my invitation for an evening out, despite probing. Next best option is always Jew Boy. I called him on the way to meet my friends with no response.

I forgot about men all night, being fed by my girls. Shelly and Stac are two of my favorite people in this world. My friendship with them is going on twelve years now. It is crazy to even say that, as time has passed so fast. I know that we will be together forever, no matter what this life throws.

I split from them at the end of the night, thinking I was on my way back to stay with The Big X. As I was walking to my car, a 1:30 AM text arrived. It was Jew Boy, who was on his way home and wanted me to meet him there. He asked where I was, I responded, "I am just leaving Woody's." His dirty mind said, "That is what I have right now." With the words that I wanted to hear, I arrived at his house within three minutes. He greeted me at the door with a hug and a kiss. I slipped into bed with him for the lights out sex I had been thinking about all week. There were very few words exchanged, but many other things were!

In the morning, we talked for a couple of hours. That is something with us that has never changed between us. We did get into somewhat of a telling conversation.

Jew Boy: Why is Shelly mad at you right now?
Me: She doesn't always like the decisions I make.
Jew Boy: Like what?
Me: Shit here we go. She doesn't like that I am here with you right now.
Jew Boy: She is just looking out for you.
Me: What the fuck is that suppose to mean?
Jew Boy: Nothing at all. She is just being a good friend to you.

We both know what our relationship is and have no expectations for it. That doesn't mean that it is easy to hear Jew Boy verbalize it to me in an after sex conversation. Total acceptance is that we like each other, but are both using each other for the good stuff. And that is OK.

Too Much To Ask?

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. I heard this statement recently by an intelligent source of whom I am sure knew what they were talking about. Maybe it was Oprah, shit does it really matter? My point is The Big X was hiding . He had repeatedly answered by probing questions to his dating habits as, "No, I am not dating or talking to anyone besides you."

If that were a true statement, then he should have been comfortable letting me see all of the unimportant information held in his phone. I am a serial stalker, but this time I was trying not to repeat old mistakes. As we were laying together I asked, "Let me see that phone so I can investigate how many girls you are actually talking to." The Big X told me that my request has highly unreasonable and he wouldn't do that for me under any circumstances.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but if he had nothing to hide, wouldn't he have been cleared?

Here With You

Apparently I was charming enough on the first go around with The Big X and his friends that I won a second night out with the "In Crowd." Before meeting them, we had dinner out with amazing conversation. He told me that all of his friends were prepared for my arrival. I was somewhat nervous there would be forced contact with some random girl that The Big X had hooked up with while we were apart. I knew myself and was unable to trust my jealous tendencies.

My fears were unfounded. The Big X was awesome to and with me all night. He made sure I was included, but more importantly made sure I felt it. There were many kisses exchanged, along with deep stares. Genuinely he thanked me for join him, saying, "I am having such a good time tonight and it is all because you are here with me." I responded, " I am here only with you because there is still something between us. I can feel it." The Big X said, "I am here with you for the same exact reason. My feelings for you never want anywhere."