Big Evening, Big X

The big soiree with The Big X was finally near. I knew that he had been feeling identical pain about being apart for the first Christmas in six years. The plan was for the night to be our typical Christmas celebration, without actually admitting it to ourselves or each other. I agreed to go with him, knowing it would be terribly insensible to my heart.

When he arrived to pick me up, he came bearing gifts. The card read," I love you very much and I miss you." The presents were totally unexpected and once opened, made me feel terrible because I had nothing to give in return. I should not have felt bad, he owed me, not in the way of gifts, but an explanation of his earlier actions.

We went to dinner and a movie, nothing to set fireworks off about, but a feeling of assurance that this relationship was not dead. The conversation flowed as it always did. We laughed uncontrollably. The only unbelievable part about the night was that we were not actually together anymore.

When he dropped me off, he kissed me. We hugged for what seemed like forever. There were tears in his eyes. Mine were welling inside. He said, "I miss you more than you know." He tasted that I was upset, so he asked if I needed anything. I said no. What I really needed was for him to turn back time, to change this situation that he put us in.