It Was All Him

As I started to put one foot in front of the other came the inevitable analyzing of Jew Boy. Holding the burden of "there is just something missing" with a tough one to bear. I took me a long time to realize this was not my issue, but his.

There are deep seeded issues within him, not at all to do with commitment, but with confidence. He is searching for a feeling. This feeling is not for the girl in which he is looking. The feeling is about filling himself up in a way that he doesn't feel for himself. He is not happy alone. He is not whole and not complete, so how could he ever give himself to me?

What he has yet to learn is that it is not about a feeling, it is about character which gives those feelings. He needs to define the character or he will never fine the feeling. Searching for an intangible seems like a very lonely search. Impossible in fact.

I did many wrongs in this relationship. There are many things that I wish could have been different. But I take solace in the fact, that nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome. It was not me, it was him.

I also take solace in knowing what he had in me, is the best he will ever get.