Long Time Coming

I had been unhappy. Not just sad, but a form of depression that had been slowing taking over me for close to two years. I finally felt like I had hit rock bottom, in every regard. It had a little to do with The Big X and some to do with Jew Boy, but mostly had to do with me.

I knew that The Big X had noticed that I was not doing well, because we was calling frequently to check up on me. When he did he would ask tons a questions that I was not prepared to answer or share with him. I knew he was worried about me. Frankly, I was too.

One night, I simply shared by innermost fears and pains with him. I admitted that I didn't really know who I was and the part that I did know, I didn't necessarily like. The Big X said, "You put up lots of walls, a big front. You say you have a hard time letting people in. I see through it. You are scared of rejection." He finally admitted that the reason he walked out was because he was tired of trying to make me happy. He had tried for over three years and was simply just tired. I responded by saying, "The reason you failed to make me happy is because you can't. I am the only one that can make myself happy." He agreed with all of my thoughts on myself and was honest by telling me his.

He ended our much needed conversation by saying, "I am terribly worried about you and care for you greatly. I am in no way done with you or this relationship. You pass through my mind everyday. I care everyday."